Not too long ago I had several business courtships that went sour.

I had four different prospects who were attracted to me, pursued me, “dated” me a few times and then dumped me. One prospect led me on and strung me along for weeks. I thought she was sincere when she contacted me to discuss social media marketing and website optimization. She said she wanted me and asked me to prove myself again and again. I gave more and more, thinking she would stay and meet my needs. But after I gave her so much…she left me.

I felt used. She learned what she needed to learn and moved on. I wanted her to commit…but she didn’t. She was a lone cowgirl who decided to ride the marketing range without me. She said the equivalent of “I’ll call you when I need you,” but you won’t find me waiting by the phone.

I tried to pretend I didn’t care. I knew there were other fish in the sea. I spent a few weeks avoiding networking situations and focused on solitary business building tasks and other clients. I wasn’t sure what was going on. I was in denial about the impact of losing that potential project. I felt vulnerable and distracted and not quite myself. I thought I was fearful about other business aspects…but I finally had an epiphany and realized I was suffering from a business “broken heart.”

Am I just an emotional business woman who can’t stay detached? Someone who needs stronger consulting boundaries? Who gives too much away? And who takes these disappointments way too personally? Maybe…

But never again. No more Ms. Nice Guy! The sales process still bewilders me a bit, particularly in this age of Inbound Marketing where it’s expected that you “give away” advice and products of value as part of your engagement with prospects.

I am being a bit facetious and belaboring this metaphor, but the truth is that I was behaving like a scorned lover who had decided to give up on love and dating. I was hurt and grieving. But more than that I was angry, and didn’t even want to think about a potential client much less to start dating (business networking) again!

After some reflection, I had a profound “aha” moment and had to admit to myself what was going on.

Once I was willing to fess up, I immediately shifted out of my indecisiveness and wheel-spinning distractions, and got back down to business. I instantly knew that I needed to revise my sales process to better protect myself and require more of interested prospects. I was doing all the work in the relationship. I’m a romantic, so I saw what I wanted to see and believed what I wanted to believe. But I’m not so “easy” anymore. I now require my prospects to state their intentions and prove that they are serious (by completing a simple questionnaire before the Free Consultation and another in-depth questionnaire before I give them a quote and a proposal). I thought about having them meet my parents but I decided that would be going overboard.

Seriously though, the questionnaires are not about giving them hoops to jump through while I stand back with my hands on my hips deciding if they are worthy. Quite the opposite. These tools were in the works already, but it took a “business romance gone bad” to give me the kick in the butt I needed to finalize them.

Using the questionnaires helps both me and my potential client. They save time and clarify intentions and goals from the beginning. A win-win relationship!

Needless to say, I’m back out there seeking my Soul-Client…and another and another and another. I’m playing the field of course…or at least until my Sugar Client comes along and keeps me busy and satisfied for a very long time!

Gone are the days of obtaining a client by introducing yourself at an event, getting a business card and contacting them the next day. This system still has its place, but in today’s speed-of-light market you must give your potential customer a consultation on-the-spot.

Why wait? Give them value immediately.  Demonstrate your skills and knowledge, customized in that moment to the needs of the prospective client standing in front of you. If you don’t know how to do this, then learn…or you will be left behind in the dust. (a good coach can help you with this)

If you are unhappy with your current employee benefits program and you just happen to meet, not one but two, insurance brokers at a networking mixer…who are you going to call the next day? The one who tells you she offers a full range of benefits options as well as HR consulting and would love to sit down with you to go over the features of each package? Or the one who tells you how he just saved a new client 19% on their existing plan after coming up with several innovations that reconfigured their medical plan with a dual option?

If you know your website is outdated and pathetic, who are you going to set up a meeting with? The person you met at the Chamber event who told you that he is a copywriter and web designer who owns his own business in your town? Or the person at the same event, who asks you how many new clients per month come to you through your website?..if your website’s copyright date is 2 years old?..and after learning about your business, offers you two ideas that will encourage visitors to stay longer on your website?

Many of you worry that you will “give too much away.” You’ve worked hard to gain your expertise and you deserve to be paid for it. Get over it. Offering instant great value is the name of the game. It actually always has been for skilled sales people, but today it can truly make or break the thread to the next step in landing the client. Giving a mini-consultation will absolutely position you as an expert in the mind of the client. When you “show them” rather than “tell them” how skilled you are, they appreciate you and trust you. And they won’t waste time later asking about your credentials.

Your potential client will not likely remember enough of the specifics to actually implement the great ideas you gave her. But what she will remember is your interest, your brilliance, and your solution to her business problem. You’re the one she’s going to call the next day. Expect her call, and for God’s sake get back to her the same day, if not within the hour!