It’s one thing to feel gratitude and it’s quite another to express it…especially when you feel thankful for another person.

It’s that time of year, at least in the United States, when we reflect on the blessings in our lives. A great thing to do.

But let’s talk about all those times when we feel appreciation for something someone has done, or just for who they are in our life…and yet we don’t tell them. We think “Oh, he knows how much I appreciate the work he did on that project. I said so…didn’t I?” or “She knows how much I value her wisdom and leadership” or “My staff knows how proud I was of their presentation.”

The answer to those questions is “Maybe they do.” But the truth is, we can’t hear appreciation often enough. I read a quote recently that said something like “All that anyone really wants is to feel good about themselves” …and it went on to say that we can each contribute to others feeling good by expressing the true appreciation we feel for them.

The other thing that happens is that we express it to others, but not to the person for whom we feel the admiration or gratitude.

Whenever I hear someone say something nice about a person who is not present, I ask if they have expressed their appreciation directly to that person? Often the answer is “no,” along with an explanation about how the other person knows it. And I say “tell them again.”

This is especially important for bosses and supervisors. Tell your employees how much you value them; how much you appreciate their time and commitment. Studies have shown that what employees want most from their employer is not more money, but validation and appreciation. Gee, that’s an easy line item to add to the payroll! And yet sadly, so many supervisors don’t seem to have that currency to give.

But don’t forget – in the workplace, appreciation goes both ways. Bosses need to hear it also. Last year in my corporate job, I received a performance bonus, as did all other employees. I was hoping for more than I received but I realized that it was a “bonus,” not an entitlement. I then sent a “thank you” email to the management team. The Chief Operating Officer told me he appreciated my message. He also mentioned that out of 87 employees, only a handful thanked him for their bonus.

I feel so strongly about this subject because, to be perfectly honest I more often think critical thoughts about others (a long-standing habit stemming from my over-analytical thinking, among other things). I am a recovering criticizer, trying to shift my perspective to people’s positive traits. I want to make improvements in this arena because it’s so important to both my personal life and my business life. I certainly know how deeply touched I feel when someone tells me that they appreciate me.

The message here is simple:

• None of us feels completely self assured or confident
• Everyone is deeply touched by a sincere compliment
• Expressed appreciations make people feel good
• Why not make someone’s day?
• Tell them specifically how you think they are awesome

And then make a commitment to look for more positive aspects of all the people in your life – even the ones who sometimes drive you crazy! (you know – the people you will be having dinner with on Thursday)

Go ahead. Express appreciations. And don’t forget that special someone – yourself. Mutter it under your breath or go look in the mirror. But be bold and tell him or her….that s/he rocks!

Let’s talk about “Lazy.” I keep hearing this word – usually from high achievers referring to themselves the instant they take a moment to relax. I’ve read a lot of tweets lately with the author using the term “lazy” to refer to themselves when they weren’t working or being “productive.” I don’t know about them but to me “lazy” has a negative connotation. Webster defines it as “not eager or willing to work or exert oneself; indolent; slothful.” Other online sources offer: “disinclined to work or exertion; averse to labor; idle; shirking work.” Not exactly a description I would want to use referring to myself or anyone else.

So what’s up with this duality of being either productive or lazy? Is there no middle ground? And why do so many people refer to themselves as “lazy” when they are not doing, doing, doing? Is it not okay to relax?

How have we come to be so hard on ourselves? And how hard are we on our employees if we perceive that they are not productive 100% of the time? A recent study states that using the Internet at work is good for productivity.

Is it perhaps, not only okay, but even necessary to relax and recharge? Is a half hour of daydreaming on a lounge chair in the yard a bad thing to do? Or is it a valid human activity? Can it be necessary to soothe my neural synapses, enabling refreshed and more creative “productive time” later?

The Healing Power of Not-Doing

About 15 years ago a friend’s husband suffered brain damage from a car accident that left him cognitively disabled. Her trauma from this experience was in some ways worse than his. He was no longer himself, had violent outbursts and needed constant supervision. Previous to her husband’s accident, she was a full-time physician. After the accident, she left her medical practice and once her husband was settled in a care facility, she spent 8 months on her couch watching the trees sway outside her bay window. A few years later, once she had put her life back together, she shared with me the necessity of that healing practice. That powerful image of what she needed to do (or rather not do) for her healing, has stuck with me.

In Jill Bolte Taylor’s book My Stroke of Insight, she shares that after her stroke, what she needed most was sleep. What her brain and body needed was not more testing or the doing of “rehab,” but the soothing, nurturing, regenerative power of rest. Would we call her “lazy” for not getting back in the saddle immediately? Of course not. But yet we judge ourselves and others when we take “downtime.” Downtime? How’s that for a negative expression? “The computers are down” means they are useless. And when humans are “down” they are depressed. So perhaps we should stop taking “downtime” and instead set aside time for relaxation and renewal.

And for those of you who have people working for you – Hire the most competent and reliable staff you can find…and then trust them. Trust them to get their work done in their own way. Get off their backs. Let go of the micro-managing and allow your people the freedom to relax a little, surf the net, chit chat, etc. They will be happy. And they will be productive.

“All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl.” It also makes Jill a less creative problem solver, as well as weary and prone to making mistakes.

Let’s give Jill a break. Literally.