I am a strong believer in following my intuition and the “guidance” that I receive on a daily basis. When I do this, I often experience amazing synchronicities. Tonight was no exception.

I was undecided about how to spend my evening and tried to make last minute plans to see a film at the local art house. In the end I decided to go with my original plan, which was to attend a nearby outdoor Artisan’s Fair. It was a lovely summer evening and several friends were showing their work, so I went to the reception. It was the perfect Friday night event.

I left about 7:45pm, and on my way home I swung by Stop and Shop to pick up a few items that I knew were not available in any other store. I had this on my “To Do” list for almost 2 weeks and for various reasons had not yet completed the task. I could have scolded myself days earlier when I still had not run this errand, but I find that when I appear to be “procrastinating” or not doing what I think I “should” be doing, there is always a good reason and an auspicious outcome as a result of the delay.

That was certainly the case this evening when I ran into Chris Brogan in the produce department. If you are not familiar with Chris, he is one of the world’s most respected bloggers and social media marketing experts. I have followed him closely for the last few years and met him at Boston’s Inbound Marketing Summit last October. He was also gracious enough to welcome me to blogging almost a year ago by sending a tweet to over 95,000 of his followers on the day I launched.

So to say it made my day to see him in the grocery store, is an understatement. But that’s not even the best part. After I asked to take a photo, to which he kindly agreed, we chatted about his mom’s recent birthday and his switch from the WordPress Thesis theme to the Genesis theme. (these are affiliate links)

When he found out that I am a Thesis Web Designer he asked me what types of businesses I serve. I told him small businesses – that I had recently contracted with a solo entrepreneur, a property management company and an employee benefits management firm. Chris told me that his followers have often thought he was a Thesis designer himself because he promoted the WordPress theme. He then offered to send me Thesis site design referrals.

After picking my jaw up off the floor and probably bumbling over my words, I pulled a business card out of my pocket and handed it to him.

I carry my cards on my at all times. I am known for hounding colleagues to always carry business cards with them. I often spout off, “You never know when or where you’ll instantly need a business card…and by not having one you can miss a huge opportunity!”

And here I was in that ultimate moment, that we only hope for. But within a micro-second my business card was in the hand of one of the most influential marketing experts in the world.

Was all of this mere coincidence or dumb luck?

I don’t think so. I have been working very hard recently and have been attracting more and more clients. I am not having to work at it. I am committed and more often than not, in an attitude of “allowing.” I am no longer resisting my own success. Okay – maybe an itty bitty amount sometimes when I get scared…but for the most part I am “letting it in.”

Letting what in?

Letting in the folks that want and need what I have to offer.
Letting in positive energy.
Letting in more self value and my willingness to shine.

It takes practice and most of all it takes courage. Being successful means taking full responsibility. It requires a lot of me.

I’m up for it.

And I’ll give you my business card to prove it!

Will you?

I have to say I’m baffled by this on-going quest I hear from so many people for world peace. I know their hearts are in the right place. I “get” that they envision a world where we stop brutalizing each other. Sounds like a great idea. But the blissful image of a harmonious world, besides seeming impossible, could be barking up the wrong vision.

What the heck is peace? Lack of conflict? My experience of the lack of conflict is any relationship where someone is not expressing their own needs and has decided (maybe even unconsciously) that they are perfectly happy with going along with the wishes of their partner or others in their group. So they successfully create “peace.” But at what cost? Or might it be “peace” until months, weeks or years later when all their squelched needs and desires erupt in a not so pretty way that has no resemblance to peace. Or the same denied needs and frustrations manifest as physical symptoms or ailments that batter their own body.

Either way, the compliance required to maintain “peace” takes its violent toll. So what the heck am I saying? Fight with people? Continue violence and wars? Batter others verbally, emotionally or physically? Absolutely not! My point here is that conflict, disagreement, grievances, and frustrations, are all natural consequences of strong, assertive individuals. These can no more be avoided than we can avoid breathing.

All of you who strongly desire peace – how’s it working for you on a personal level? Do you have complete harmony in all your relationships? No? How could you? And if you can’t find it in your personal circle of peeps, how the heck do you think the larger arenas can maintain it? Peace is not the answer. Some of this is just semantics, but I get the sense from people who pray for peace, that they really think they “can get there from here.”

Who wants everyone to get along? How could that ever be possible? I know people who believe that conflict is bad and should be avoided. Good luck trying that.

And others who believe that if everyone else would just see things their way (i.e. the right way), all would be well in the world. Sound familiar? Like someone you know? Or God forbid, like you? As a recovering know-it-all, it sure sounds like me!

What we lack is not world peace – but rather, world awareness; world communication skills; world willingness; world objective perspective; world open-mindedness; world conflict resolution competency. Conflict is what makes the world dynamic and real. Conflict is what births innovative problem solving. Conflict is what helps us build empathy and understanding. Conflict is the juicy substance that we muck through equally with our loved ones and our not so loved ones…to reach a new perspective; an increased awareness…of ourselves and of those around us.

That increased awareness then informs our behavior and our decisions. We develop more empathy and acceptance. And what do we do with that? Do we turn into a doormat to facilitate peace? Hopefully not. But rather, we increase our ability to see from another’s perspective, which ALWAYS improves communication, which in turn gives us a greater ability to resolve conflicts.

The more willing and more skilled we become at respectfully asserting our needs and hearing those of others, the more likely we will work things out on a small scale and on a regular basis. The truth is, peacemaking begins at home.

So start at home – the home of where you live, where you work, where you play. Express yourself…express yourself respectfully, but fully. Hash it out, stir things up, have the courage to state your case, and the courage to deeply listen to those who disagree. Let it get heated. Not abusive. Not violent. But strong spirited if need be. Feel the passion of the ideas, opinions, desires, fears of yourself and others. There is not one true reality. You have yours and they have theirs. Don’t be afraid of the differences. And don’t buy into the winner/ loser paradigm.

Praying for Peace is easy. Saying affirmations is easy. Visioning “Peace on Earth” is easy. But consistently practicing non-violent communication skills is difficult and tedious…yet possibly the most fulfilling experience you may ever have.

Are you committed to world peace?  (or at least peace at your office?)

Then commit to learning effective ways to resolve the inevitable conflicts in your life.

You might be surprised with the results.

I guess it’s no secret, but I’ve had this romance developing with a real hottie named FB. I’ve grown quite fond of FB, and I’m rather attached. I guess I should have done a background check before I got involved. Maybe I should have played the field. But FB is so attractive and we have so much fun together!

I really feel heard in the relationship. FB sees me and knows who I am. Plus the relationship has helped my business. Not to mention FB’s extended family who has welcomed me so warmly.

Now I find out that FB is not who I thought (hoped) s/he was. I thought I could trust FB, but now I’m not so sure. The relationship is so one-sided – with no consideration of me. Everything is on FB’s terms. And now I find out that s/he’s been talking – telling my secrets all over town!

Am I being played for a fool? At first I looked the other way. I didn’t want to believe what I was hearing. How could those things be true? No, I don’t want to know. Love is blind.

I know I’m in denial and deserve better, but I love FB! And I love FB’s extended family. They are always there for me.

Maybe FB can change. If I love FB enough, I know s/he will change. If I love FB enough s/he will become trustworthy and respectful. I know FB really loves me but just doesn’t know how to show it. Maybe FB had a difficult childhood and doesn’t understand the meaning of healthy boundaries or privacy. Maybe there’s a rehab program for abusive social networks. Yes, that’s it! – a 28 day program. An intervention! Maybe FB’s extended family will participate in an intervention and get FB into treatment.

I don’t want it to end. I hate to admit it, but it’s FB’s extended family that I will miss the most. Will I lose contact with them? Where will we meet? Can we find a new place to hang out? What will the impact be on my business? FB introduced me to so many people – from all over the world.

I need more time. I can’t just leave. I’ve invested too much. I’m not even sure FB will let me leave. I might not even get my stuff back.

How can I bear this loss? Will I find another? Can I ever trust again?

How can you mend a broken social network?….

Seriously – Will Facebook get its act together? Or will we all have to click the big “Unlike” button and go elsewhere?

Not too long ago I had several business courtships that went sour.

I had four different prospects who were attracted to me, pursued me, “dated” me a few times and then dumped me. One prospect led me on and strung me along for weeks. I thought she was sincere when she contacted me to discuss social media marketing and website optimization. She said she wanted me and asked me to prove myself again and again. I gave more and more, thinking she would stay and meet my needs. But after I gave her so much…she left me.

I felt used. She learned what she needed to learn and moved on. I wanted her to commit…but she didn’t. She was a lone cowgirl who decided to ride the marketing range without me. She said the equivalent of “I’ll call you when I need you,” but you won’t find me waiting by the phone.

I tried to pretend I didn’t care. I knew there were other fish in the sea. I spent a few weeks avoiding networking situations and focused on solitary business building tasks and other clients. I wasn’t sure what was going on. I was in denial about the impact of losing that potential project. I felt vulnerable and distracted and not quite myself. I thought I was fearful about other business aspects…but I finally had an epiphany and realized I was suffering from a business “broken heart.”

Am I just an emotional business woman who can’t stay detached? Someone who needs stronger consulting boundaries? Who gives too much away? And who takes these disappointments way too personally? Maybe…

But never again. No more Ms. Nice Guy! The sales process still bewilders me a bit, particularly in this age of Inbound Marketing where it’s expected that you “give away” advice and products of value as part of your engagement with prospects.

I am being a bit facetious and belaboring this metaphor, but the truth is that I was behaving like a scorned lover who had decided to give up on love and dating. I was hurt and grieving. But more than that I was angry, and didn’t even want to think about a potential client much less to start dating (business networking) again!

After some reflection, I had a profound “aha” moment and had to admit to myself what was going on.

Once I was willing to fess up, I immediately shifted out of my indecisiveness and wheel-spinning distractions, and got back down to business. I instantly knew that I needed to revise my sales process to better protect myself and require more of interested prospects. I was doing all the work in the relationship. I’m a romantic, so I saw what I wanted to see and believed what I wanted to believe. But I’m not so “easy” anymore. I now require my prospects to state their intentions and prove that they are serious (by completing a simple questionnaire before the Free Consultation and another in-depth questionnaire before I give them a quote and a proposal). I thought about having them meet my parents but I decided that would be going overboard.

Seriously though, the questionnaires are not about giving them hoops to jump through while I stand back with my hands on my hips deciding if they are worthy. Quite the opposite. These tools were in the works already, but it took a “business romance gone bad” to give me the kick in the butt I needed to finalize them.

Using the questionnaires helps both me and my potential client. They save time and clarify intentions and goals from the beginning. A win-win relationship!

Needless to say, I’m back out there seeking my Soul-Client…and another and another and another. I’m playing the field of course…or at least until my Sugar Client comes along and keeps me busy and satisfied for a very long time!

Whenever you have more than one human being on the same planet, in the same town or working in the same company there will be conflict. If there isn’t it’s because someone is not expressing their needs. (and yes, that’s true of intimate relationships also…except perhaps in the first few months)

There’s nothing wrong with conflict. It’s human nature. And it can even be fun!

Conflict in the workplace can be a productivity buster, so it’s a good idea to have a comprehensive policy and specific procedures in place to help all levels of staff develop communication skills and the ability to resolve disputes.

Here are my thoughts about what to include in your company’s  Conflict Resolution Policy:

Principles:

The company:

• Values human diversity and appreciates the individuality of all its employees and associates.

• Understands that conflict is an inevitable part of human relationships and business life.

• Views any conflict as an opportunity to learn and grow both individually and as a business.

• Commits to assist its employees in resolving conflicts and challenges as promptly, peacefully and clearly as possible.

• Encourages and will provide opportunities for staff to develop good communication skills to deepen and expand communication, empathy and conflict resolution skills for the benefit of themselves and the business.

• Encourages all levels of staff to take personal responsibility for feelings, responses and reactions in any given situation, adopting a “No Blame” approach.

• Encourages all levels of staff to seek resources for developing self awareness

Guidelines to Individuals

• An essential component of conflict resolution is a willingness and ability to identify, name and own the feelings that are aroused internally and to communicate those feelings without suppression, denial, or blame. This process alone involves a commitment to being aware and honest with ourselves, and cultivating a degree of self reflection and self management.

• All levels of staff are encouraged to attend in-house or outside communication skills training days, to assist in the growth and evolution of the company. Participation in these trainings allows for a common language when dealing with conflict.

• The conflict resolution process can occur between two parties or any number of people. This policy document exists to provide a framework for resolution between or among the parties involved.

• Confidentiality is essential for trust and safety. Participants are asked to not repeat anything that is specific and personal, unless they receive permission from the person(s) involved.

• All feelings are acceptable when owned and expressed responsibly. The process of resolving conflict is not always pretty. It can get messy. Trusting the process itself and accepting that it is unpredictable and uncontrollable, allows participants to experience the “magic in the messiness.”

• When feelings of all involved parties are actively listened to, empathized with, and the underlying need that is not being met is identified, then the possibility for resolution appears.

• When there is clear difficulty between two or more staff and one party states “this is not my problem….you are on your own” – that is not acceptable. Each party is encouraged to hold an intention of self-reflection and ownership of personal feelings. Each may ask themselves “what is my part in this?”

Procedure:

• For any conflict, waiting a day or two before scheduling the conflict resolution meeting is suggested, to allow for clarity and reflection on the topic, and time to understand the feelings.

• If a conflict arises between two staff, or a group of employees, the parties are encouraged to initially try to work things out on their own using self-reflection and the communication skills they have learned.

• If the two or more parties are unable to come to a resolution on their own or don’t feel comfortable (or “safe”) meeting one-on-one, they have the option of requesting the participation of other staff or the assistance of a facilitator, agree upon by all participants.

• At times a conflict may not be easily defined. While the issue may feel connected strongly to one person, it may also feel like a “group issue,” in which case the person or persons with the issue have the option of requesting a “Resolution Group.” This group may be comprised of a specific staff group (such as the members of one department or work team), with the understanding that any specific member’s attendance is optional unless they have been identified specifically as someone involved in the conflict.

• The conflict resolution process continues (possibly in a series of sessions) until a resolution is found. If a conflict is irresolvable and negatively impacts the company, other alternatives will be explored, including external facilitation and/or arbitration.

• During participation in a conflict resolution meeting, participants are reminded to keep an open heart and mind, empathy and compassion, and a willingness to forgive and be forgiven. This may sound non-business-like but nothing is further from the truth. Businesses are made up of people and all people feel their best and work their best when they are heard and received with empathy and compassion. An open heart and open mind is the prerequisite stance for deep listening and understanding.

• Willingness to consider changing one’s perspective on the issue is especially helpful. Within the session, each party shall have the opportunity to state their issue or conflict. Each person is given time to speak their truth uninterrupted. Ideally, an in-depth conversation takes place where all aspects are addressed, all feelings and difficulties aired and each participant has the opportunity to respond.

The Simple Format:

• The person who initiated the meeting speaks first without interruption.
• The second person then speaks uninterrupted.
• Both parties have the opportunity to respond to each other.
• This is a self-responsible conversation that works best when it includes patience and respect.
• Progress will likely be stalled if participants are defensive and closed.
• Digging in your heels is not generally conducive to peacemaking.

Things to Remember during a Conflict Resolution Meeting:
• Breathe
• Listen deeply
• Practice empathy
• Open your heart
• Open your mind
• Try to identify your triggers (comments or behaviors of others that “push your buttons” and cause a strong emotion reaction in you)
• Own your feelings without blaming the other person for your reaction (in other words, take responsibility for your triggers)

Conflict Resolution Toolkit:

Members participating in a one-on-one or small group conflict resolution process may want to utilize any or all of the resources listed below:

Trusted Facilitator: A facilitator is sometimes unnecessary but is a valuable resource. For many conflicts, the facilitator can be a trusted colleague who may play the role of witness whose presence creates a safe space for dialogue. At other times an outside professional mediator is necessary to assist the conflicted parties. It is essential that the conflicted parties agree on the facilitator if it is a colleague.

Resolution Group: The Resolution Group approach is based on the belief that personal issues are often a microcosm of company issues and that an issue appearing to be between two people, may indeed impact the whole department or an entire company and involve a wider range of issues. It can be a very powerful experience for a group to work together or witness the resolution of a difficult conflict and the positive results often extend far beyond the resolution of that one issue. A Resolution Group also has the option of using a facilitator, though if the group members have had communication skills training it may be unnecessary. That decision can be left to the person initiating the meeting.

Talking Stick: The “Talking Stick” has been used by native people for centuries and is an effective tool for assisting the communication process. It can be used in a two-party conflict or with a group. Because of the number of people involved in a Resolution Group, the talking stick is a way to assure that each party has the opportunity to speak uninterrupted. This tool is used as follows: the person who initiated the meeting holds the stick or object and speaks first. As long as someone holds the stick they are not interrupted. When that person is finished speaking they place the talking stick in the center of the group. The stick is then picked up by whomever feels moved to speak next. This continues until the meeting feels complete.

Attunement: Taking time before and during the conflict resolution session for quiet reflection to allow for “inner guidance” on the subject. This may also sound too “woo woo” for a business environment, but it is simply taking a few moments to collect ones thoughts. Call it a “reflection moment” if you wish. We have all had those “flashes of insight” of unknown origin that provide an answer or a new perspective.

Appreciation Ceremony: This ceremony may be used to begin a session with a spirit of acceptance and appreciation. The group begins with a time of silence or a guided meditation. One participant is identified as the person being appreciated. It doesn’t matter who goes first but the group can draw straws if necessary. Each participant states something positive about that person – something they appreciate. This is repeated for each participant.

Specific Process Tools:

• Reflective Listening/Paraphrasing: Ask the other party to repeat back to you in their own words what you just said. If they are unable to accurately express what you are trying to communicate, you can repeat what you said and then ask them to paraphrase again. This is a great tool for shedding light on miscommunications and having the opportunity to practice deep listening and empathy. This is something a facilitator might suggest during the session, especially if the two parties are at an impasse.

• Role Reversal: Switch roles and “play act” as if you were the other person and speak from their perspective. Then they do the same “pretending” to be you with your thoughts and feelings.

• Other tools and practices from Nonviolent Communication
Training

When it Works: Group Wisdom and “The Shift”

• The resolution process can sometimes seem “complete” or “good enough,” yet one or more participants may sense that perhaps there is more. More to be aired; more information needed; more paraphrasing and mirroring back for clarity; more time for quiet reflection. It is therefore suggested that wrapping up the session not be rushed, or that scheduling another meeting to work more on the conflict not be decided too quickly.

• Often when it might seem that there is much more to work through, a “shift” is only a few moments away. The “shift” may or may not happen but is an interesting phenomenon. The “shift” is an epiphany experience that happens to one or more participants. It can come at any moment and is an “aha!” moment of clarity that was not present the moment before. This “aha!” of true understanding of what the other person is experiencing or feeling, can shift one’s perspective dramatically.

• A shift in perspective (usually outside of the box of our own beliefs or agenda) can result in a feeling of connection and compassion for the other person, as well as some form of “surrender” from one or more parties. This “surrender” is by no means about giving in or resignation, but about “letting go” of tightly held ideas and defensiveness.

• This new perspective can shift one’s perception of the issue and of the other person. A new perception can instantly “resolve” the issue by dissolving the separateness of individual agendas. This shift is amazing to witness and even more amazing to personally experience. This phenomena may not appear every time, but with openness and willingness, there is fertile ground where “shift happens.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you have it – a basic outline of principles and procedures.

Be a peacemaker in your company and in the world.

You have my permission to use any or all of what I have spelled out here, to amend or develop your company’s conflict resolution procedure. Or send a link to this article to your boss!

I know there are things I left out. Add more to your process and leave me a comment with your ideas. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Also see my Suggested Reading page for more books that might be helpful.

Here’s to messy conflicts, open minds, great communication, and powerful peacemaking!

P.S. I’m available to help your company write its conflict resolution procedure and other policies. Get in touch and we’ll talk.
(with or without a stick!)

No tiny detail screams “unprofessional” more than an outdated website copyright. That little line of type at the bottom of your site can translate to “another not-on-the-ball small business owner” to your visitors.

Maybe you think few people notice, but don’t be so sure. I’ve seen so many websites with copyrights two and three years old. There’s nothing with more potential negative impact that is easier to fix.

An outdated copyright raises questions from your visitors like:

• Are they still in business?
• Does anyone visit this website?
• Is this web content still current?

This seemingly small inaccuracy points out your lack of attention to detail and/or ability to meet deadlines. That may not be true of you or your business, but as a web visitor, that’s the red flag in my face.

It’s the equivalent of a typo on a resume. That one simple error raises doubt about your competency and efficiency.

Many of you will have to shell out at least 50 bucks for your web manager to change those two digits. And if you are not a techie, you may not know that the date only has to be changed in one spot behind the scenes, and every page will be updated.

I know you don’t want to spend that money. But do it. And do it no later than the first week in January. And while you’re at it, update anything else that’s stale on your site. Your webmaster will likely charge the same price even with a few additional updates.

Or maybe it’s time for a Web Content Makeover. The new year is a great time to freshen up your site. What is your site lacking that your visitors will find of value?

Your website is the hub of your online presence. You can be crankin out social media posts till the cows come home, but if all that effort sends your contacts to a stale site with nothing compelling them to stay and look around, you’re wasting your time.

Make it your resolution to improve your web content. Better content means more traffic and more customers. How’s that sound for 2010?

Happy New Year and thanks for reading!

1/3/10 Update: I use the WordPress Thesis Theme for this site (and the sites I design) and I just learned how to add the code that will automatically update the copyright for me!

For those of you who still think that online connections result in avoiding face to face contact with “real” people – you are absolutely wrong – they don’t – in fact 93% of the time, digital connections do the opposite. (I made up the 93%, but that’s my sense of it)

Obviously, if you’re someone who is already disconnected and have difficulty relating to people, perhaps you will stay isolated. But if finding friends and business associates in cyberspace is the best you can do, than good for you!

But for those who want to be more connected, but perhaps are shy and don’t have a dazzling or magnetic personality, the digital world can level the social playing field and help you get more in the game of your social circles. It’s a dream come true for introverts (more about that in a future post). I feel more and more connected all the time. Being self-employed and alone in my office for most of the day, the online communities provide a welcome relief to isolation.

The digital world also provides previously impossible opportunities for lost connections. A few weeks back, an old friend from 30 years ago found me because of my strong online presence. How cool is that? I’m sure you’ve had that same experience if you have your own website or participate in Facebook or other social media venues. And all the more reason to crank up your social media efforts.

Without the Internet and search ability, there are many people I would have never seen or heard from again. We lost touch and had no way of finding each other, short of a pricey private investigator. Today we all have a number of free private investigators at our disposal. Use them – reach out and find those from your past that you want to reconnect with to say hello, to un-burn bridges, make amends, pay back the hundred bucks, offer forgiveness, or whatever. Keep it positive. Don’t look up those who will bring you down or with whom you have a bone to pick. For those folks – send them a prayer or blessing, instead.

The only word of caution about looking for people from your past, is if you are in a committed intimate relationship, it may not be wise to look up old flames unless you absolutely know you are in a clean space with them. Be honest with yourself about your motives. Tell your partner and be fully transparent in your reconnecting. And if you get together in person, invite them to your home to meet your partner. (sorry for the personal life aside, but this is a potential danger zone and deserves the advice of consciousness and caution).

Reconnecting with old friends and colleagues can also help you find a job or offer possibilities for professional collaboration or business deals. Two of my recent reunions hold this promise.

So why not cast your web of connection even farther? Do a little time travel online. Reach out and click someone! You never know what positive outcome might be in store.

It’s one thing to feel gratitude and it’s quite another to express it…especially when you feel thankful for another person.

It’s that time of year, at least in the United States, when we reflect on the blessings in our lives. A great thing to do.

But let’s talk about all those times when we feel appreciation for something someone has done, or just for who they are in our life…and yet we don’t tell them. We think “Oh, he knows how much I appreciate the work he did on that project. I said so…didn’t I?” or “She knows how much I value her wisdom and leadership” or “My staff knows how proud I was of their presentation.”

The answer to those questions is “Maybe they do.” But the truth is, we can’t hear appreciation often enough. I read a quote recently that said something like “All that anyone really wants is to feel good about themselves” …and it went on to say that we can each contribute to others feeling good by expressing the true appreciation we feel for them.

The other thing that happens is that we express it to others, but not to the person for whom we feel the admiration or gratitude.

Whenever I hear someone say something nice about a person who is not present, I ask if they have expressed their appreciation directly to that person? Often the answer is “no,” along with an explanation about how the other person knows it. And I say “tell them again.”

This is especially important for bosses and supervisors. Tell your employees how much you value them; how much you appreciate their time and commitment. Studies have shown that what employees want most from their employer is not more money, but validation and appreciation. Gee, that’s an easy line item to add to the payroll! And yet sadly, so many supervisors don’t seem to have that currency to give.

But don’t forget – in the workplace, appreciation goes both ways. Bosses need to hear it also. Last year in my corporate job, I received a performance bonus, as did all other employees. I was hoping for more than I received but I realized that it was a “bonus,” not an entitlement. I then sent a “thank you” email to the management team. The Chief Operating Officer told me he appreciated my message. He also mentioned that out of 87 employees, only a handful thanked him for their bonus.

I feel so strongly about this subject because, to be perfectly honest I more often think critical thoughts about others (a long-standing habit stemming from my over-analytical thinking, among other things). I am a recovering criticizer, trying to shift my perspective to people’s positive traits. I want to make improvements in this arena because it’s so important to both my personal life and my business life. I certainly know how deeply touched I feel when someone tells me that they appreciate me.

The message here is simple:

• None of us feels completely self assured or confident
• Everyone is deeply touched by a sincere compliment
• Expressed appreciations make people feel good
• Why not make someone’s day?
• Tell them specifically how you think they are awesome

And then make a commitment to look for more positive aspects of all the people in your life – even the ones who sometimes drive you crazy! (you know – the people you will be having dinner with on Thursday)

Go ahead. Express appreciations. And don’t forget that special someone – yourself. Mutter it under your breath or go look in the mirror. But be bold and tell him or her….that s/he rocks!

On a regular basis I now have the wonderful experience of doubling over in hysterics every time I check my home voice mail. Why? Is some prank caller leaving funny messages? Did I subscribe to 1-800-JOKE-OF-THE-DAY? Have I become friends with Paula Poundstone?

No. I simply created a new “recorded name” for my voice mail.

When first setting up their “recorded name” on voice mail at home or at the office, many people feel obligated to not only record their full first and last name, but to do so in a serious monotone…as though they were reporting for duty on a military base.

In my last corporate job, every morning I would hear the recording of my boss sternly announcing his own name, as he checked his voice mail by speaker phone. I used to roll my eyes every time, mostly wishing  he’d turn down the volume.

Being the radical non-conformist that I am, at home and at that job, I recorded only my first name! This was a well kept secret until this moment…but now the cat’s out of the bag. (if this means losing followers on Twitter, than so be it)

A week ago, in a flash of insight, I realized that I had probably listened to myself proclaim “CHRISTINE” at least 2,732 times since I started using voice mail. I decided it was time for a change. So I pulled out the voice mail instruction booklet to figure out how to re-record whatever struck my fancy. No one had to know. I was the only one who would hear it, right? Of course. Wire-tapping in now a thing of the past.

So after hitting speed dial for my access number and pressing #3 “to change my personal options” rather than the usual #1 to “listen to my messages,” the nice little lady inside the phone instructed me how to change my “recorded name.”

Then…after the beep…in my most cheerful Elmer Fudd voice, I created my brand new “recorded name” of “KWISTINE!”

I managed to stay composed for another nano-second – just long enough to press the # key to stop recording, and then burst into the best bout of uncontrollable laughter I’ve experienced in a long time!

Now I get to crack myself up every time I check my voice mail! The great thing is that I forget it’s coming, so I have a mini fun-house experience at least once a day. An automated humor break. How great is that? I can access my homemade “laugh-on-demand”…whenever I need it.

What’s this got to do with business relationships? Plenty.

Having a hearty belly laugh once a day has the following business benefits:

• taking a humor break is good for the mind and the soul – you will feel joy for those few moments no matter what else is stressing you
• your joy brings joy to those around you and makes everyone more relaxed
• a belly laugh jolts you out of your current state-of-mind, giving you a fresh perspective (always a good thing)
• the uplifted energy opens you to any number of positive outcomes including: increased confidence, feeling more accepting of co-workers, your boss or your employees, improved communication, release of negative energy, improved health and vitality, and so much more…all of which attract more business. (it really does)

Re-recording your name on your voice mail is only one way to bring a momentary giggle into your day. Be creative and think of other ways to lighten up and “let in” all the good!

And please use the “Share This” button below to send this article along to a colleague or friend who needs it. You know who I’m talking about!

Gone are the days of obtaining a client by introducing yourself at an event, getting a business card and contacting them the next day. This system still has its place, but in today’s speed-of-light market you must give your potential customer a consultation on-the-spot.

Why wait? Give them value immediately.  Demonstrate your skills and knowledge, customized in that moment to the needs of the prospective client standing in front of you. If you don’t know how to do this, then learn…or you will be left behind in the dust. (a good coach can help you with this)

If you are unhappy with your current employee benefits program and you just happen to meet, not one but two, insurance brokers at a networking mixer…who are you going to call the next day? The one who tells you she offers a full range of benefits options as well as HR consulting and would love to sit down with you to go over the features of each package? Or the one who tells you how he just saved a new client 19% on their existing plan after coming up with several innovations that reconfigured their medical plan with a dual option?

If you know your website is outdated and pathetic, who are you going to set up a meeting with? The person you met at the Chamber event who told you that he is a copywriter and web designer who owns his own business in your town? Or the person at the same event, who asks you how many new clients per month come to you through your website?..if your website’s copyright date is 2 years old?..and after learning about your business, offers you two ideas that will encourage visitors to stay longer on your website?

Many of you worry that you will “give too much away.” You’ve worked hard to gain your expertise and you deserve to be paid for it. Get over it. Offering instant great value is the name of the game. It actually always has been for skilled sales people, but today it can truly make or break the thread to the next step in landing the client. Giving a mini-consultation will absolutely position you as an expert in the mind of the client. When you “show them” rather than “tell them” how skilled you are, they appreciate you and trust you. And they won’t waste time later asking about your credentials.

Your potential client will not likely remember enough of the specifics to actually implement the great ideas you gave her. But what she will remember is your interest, your brilliance, and your solution to her business problem. You’re the one she’s going to call the next day. Expect her call, and for God’s sake get back to her the same day, if not within the hour!